If you've a strong family history of HORRIBLE, PAINFUL DEATH.. have kids!

This man had a family history of fatal cancers. His mom, dad, and little sister ALL DIED from cancer. That might mean it's... ohh, I don't know, GENETIC. So what does he do after claiming all the religious stuff healed him?.... He had two kids.

Yes.

Two kids.

Because when everyone in your blood family has died from versions of the same damned thing, it's a smart choice to pass those genes on to kids. But I'm suuure they won't suffer as everyone else in your family has.

Vagina Monologues?

This commercial trips me out. I really can't imagine my "V" having input in my daily activities. If it did, I’d never step foot into a waxing salon/ slaughterhouse. The screams... ohh, the screams...

Anyway, who’d want to hear “mmph mmmppphh MMMPPHGH”s of protest with every little tampon or sexy time? I’m pretty certain my mom’s has gone hoarse by now.



It’s kinda funny how these commercials made it past multiple departments without being considered racist. I mean, don’t they think pasty white women are just as capable of wearing tacky animal prints whilst rolling their necks at the club? For shaaaame.

Been Verified: Because you KNOW no convictions = TRUST!

Lady in blue, I BET I wouldn't have gone on a date with that Eastern Indian dude who suddenly beat his meat on my couch (an impressive footlong sammich, but STILL) if he'd BEEN VERIFIED first! 


And hey, preggo in the red/pink getup, there is no way in hell that your knocked-up ass is going to befriend some nutjob with a bump fetish who just wants to break your water (or steal your fetus from its womb)... because he/she's Been VERIFIED!! Shyeah!! 

Because everyone knows the danger of pregnancy hormones behind the wheel

....



....


REALLY?
A 7-month-pregnant woman was apparently okay to be tased THREE TIMES (they like their unborn babies well done) by Seattle Police because- and let's review here-
*her car was OFF and her keys on the floor.
*she didn't want to sign a speeding ticket for 12 mph over the school zone limit. Not like they can send those, anyway. Oh, wait...
*she maybe could've possibly perhaps picked up the keys from around her PREGNANT BELLY (obviously the ruling judges have never been pregnant) like a ninja, turned her car on, and sped off all crazy-hormonal like. Then again, if I tell an officer I've don't know how fast he thought I was going, that must mean I'll go off the handle at any moment if he tells me the speed he gauged. Therefore, I must be tased!!

I would love to see that appealed. LOVE. IT.


Oh, and for any Seattle PD that might ever read this, umm... don't forget to add my dripping sarcasm tone when narrating in your head that line I wrote about how I must be tased. Because I was sarcastic. Ohh... crap... that could lead to rage-like anger, right?...
Here's the story on msn.com

OMG WTF CAPSWHORE!

I can have a great, happy, funtastic day at work, until:

"HEY CAN YOU DO BLAH BLAH BLAH FOR ME MY SON HAS BLAH BLAH AND HE NEEDS SOMETHING DONE AT BLAH BLAH PLACE SO IF YOU CAN GET THAT DONE FOR HIM THAT WOULD BE GREAT THANK YOU"

This, of course, is not exactly what any particular person said, but I'm soo not using much imagination here. I don't understand why people can't lay off the caps lock, even after so many PSAs of different sorts have already addressed the issue! I'll still help the person out, of course, but begrudgingly so!

And then... the lack of punctuation. So. Much. Lacking. Yes, I threw a few, unnecessary bits of punctuation in here to compensate for that caps paragraph lacking it completely. Would you say I'm hoarding punctuation due to my momentary deprivation of such? I think so.

I swear that those people get to me wayyy to easily. It's nerdy rage.

Cleaning up- Missionary style

I'm pretty frickin annoyed at all the missionaries that flock to every disaster possible. I mean, it's good for people to want to help, but come ON!! Don't taint your efforts with an underlying desire to convert people to your religion!! If you're there to help organize relief efforts, such as groups in Haiti, how about you do it without naming your religious group? Oooh, have you guys ever considered that doing something to show people the awesomeness of your clique does NOT make your actions selfless? It actually means you have an AGENDA.
How about coming up with some generic name for your missionary group that totally removes any mention of a religion or deity? Ooooohh... such a concept for people who are supposedly only trying to help others, right?
Whaaaaaaaaaa? You mean you can give people in need food and water without promoting your cause? Like... people can be just. plain. NICE?
Weird...

Vegas = Needy Bitch

OMG... seriously... Vegas got its showgirl thong in a bunch.

Apparently, they can't stand that Obama ever tells busineses to not use taxpayer-funded bailout money to have retreats to Vegas, or suggests people saving for a college education not blow that money in Vegas.

"You don't go buying a boat when you can barely pay your mortgage," Obama said. "You don't blow a bunch of cash on Vegas when you're trying to save for college. You prioritize. You make tough choices."

Umm... did NO ONE ELSE notice he also said people shouldn't buy a frickin boat when barely able to pay their mortgage? Awwww, snap, guess he just hurt the boating industry, as well! Too bad; I was totally about to drop cash on a 61-ft-yacht I saw the other day...

Oh, wait... where ARE the news stories about the boat industry bitching...? Just Vegas? Really?

He TRIED fixing it, but of course Vegas tards are being pissy: "I was making the simple point that families use vacation dollars, not college tuition money, to have fun," Obama said, according to the letter released by Reid's office. "There is no place better to have fun than Vegas, one of our country's great destinations."

But Vegas is like, noooooo, people have a right to spend their "hard-earned vacation dollars" here if they want.

DURR, Vegas! Obama isn't disputing that! He says he loves you! Quit being a needy bitch already! There's a difference between "hard-earned vacation dollars" and taxpayer-funded bailout money or college tuition! Are you guys going to get irritated as well at every financial counselor that advises Mr. and Mrs. WayInDebt to NOT go on a gambling spree instead of paying their bills? Hell, it's fine and dandy if they want to go and have the FUNDS available!

I say this, of course, after I just threw some credit at laser hair removal. But my spending, I promise, is for the good of all within viewing range of me in a bathing suit... so there.